Brian Cohen is born in a stable next door to the one in which Jesus is born, which initially confuses the three wise men who come to praise the future King of the Jews. Brian later grows up into an idealistic young man who resents the continuing Roman occupation of Judea.
While listening to Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount, Brian becomes infatuated with an attractive young rebel named Judith. His desire for her and hatred of the Romans, further exacerbated by his mother revealing that Brian himself is half-Roman, inspire him to join the “People’s Front of Judea” (PFJ), one of many fractious and bickering independence movements that spend more time fighting each other than they do the Romans.
PFJ leader Reg tasks Brian to paint slogans overnight on Roman governor Pilate’s palace, but a Roman officer catches him in the act. However, the officer shows more concern with Brian’s appalling Latin grammar than the act of vandalism, and after correcting the slogan to “Romani ite domum”, orders him to write it on the wall one hundred times. Brian finishes after sunrise and is chased by guards, before being rescued by Judith.
Reg gives a revolutionary speech to the PFJ asking, “What have the Romans ever done for us?” at which point the listeners outline all forms of positive aspects of the Roman occupation such as sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system, public health and peace. He then outlines plans to kidnap Pilate’s wife. However, inside Pilate’s palace, the PFJ encounters another revolutionary group who had the same idea which sparks a violent argument. Brian is the sole survivor of the fight but is captured by the palace guards.
Escaping, Brian is accidentally scooped up by a passing extraterrestrial spaceship that crash lands back on Earth. He tries to blend in among prophets who are preaching in a busy plaza, repeating fragments of Jesus’ sermons. Brian stops his sermon mid-sentence when some Roman soldiers depart, leaving his small but intrigued audience demanding to know more.
Brian grows frantic when people chase him to the mountains, and there they declare him to be the Messiah. After spending the night with Judith, a naked Brian discovers an enormous crowd of followers assembled outside his mother’s house. Her attempts at dispersing the crowd are rebuffed, so she consents to him addressing them. Although he tells them that they are all individuals and that they need to think for themselves, they ironically parrot his words as doctrine.
The PFJ seek to exploit Brian’s celebrity status by having him minister to a thronging crowd of followers demanding miracle cures. Brian sneaks out the back, only to be captured by the Romans and sentenced to crucifixion.
In celebration of Passover, a crowd has assembled outside the palace of Pilate, who offers to pardon a prisoner of their choice as a show of friendship between the Romans and the people of Judea. However, the crowd shout out names containing the letter “r”, mocking Pilate’s speech impediment, and are further amused by his friend Biggus’s lisp. Eventually, Judith appears in the crowd and calls for the release of Brian, which the crowd (assuming it is another joke) parrots, and Pilate agrees to “welease Bwian”.
The guards eventually catch up to Brian, who is already on the cross. But in a scene that parodies the climax of the film Spartacus, various crucified people all claim to be Brian so they can be freed, and the wrong man is released. Brian is successively approached and then abandoned by the PFJ, who praise his martyrdom, the Judean People’s Front, who commit mass suicide as a form of political protest, Judith, and his scolding mother.
As he despairs, the convict next to him leads the rest in a cheerful song, which Brian and the others join in with (“Always Look on the Bright Side of Life”).
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