In the city of Rome during the reign of Emperor Nero, Pseudolus is “the lyingest, cheatingest, sloppiest slave in all of Rome”, whose only wish is to buy his freedom from his master’s parents, the henpecked Senex and his overbearing wife, Domina. Pseudolus finds out that his master, Senex’s handsome but dim son Hero, has fallen in love with the beautiful Philia (destined to be a courtesan) from the house next door of Marcus Lycus, a slave trader. Pseudolus makes a deal: he will get the girl for Hero in return for his freedom.
First, Pseudolus attempts the direct approach: posing as a newly freed Roman citizen to purchase Philia for the underage Hero, who cannot legally purchase her. While being presented with the available merchandise by the slave trader Marcus Lycus, Pseudolus fancies Gymnasia, a silent Amazonian courtesan. Unfortunately, Philia, the virgin, has been sold to the great Roman soldier Miles Gloriosus, who even now is on his way from conquering Crete to claim her as his bride.
Pseudolus comes up with a plan to fool the slave trader into giving Philia to Hero and to possibly get Gymnasia for himself. Pseudolus convinces Marcus Lycus that Philia, who comes from Crete, has been exposed to a deadly plague in Crete and must be isolated from the other slaves (in Hero’s custody) at the house of Senex, who is presently away with his wife Dominia.
Wary of Gloriosus’ fearsome temper (he once before sold Gloriosus a “bum virgin”), Marcus Lycus plays into Pseudolus’s devious hands when Marcus Lycus “tricks” Pseudolus into impersonating him and breaking the bad news to Gloriosus. Gloriosus would be heartbroken at his bride’s death, but unable to blame Marcus Lycus for a plague caught in Crete. Meanwhile, Gloriosus has arrived to claim Philia and must be distracted with an orgy until he can be presented with a facsimile of Philia.
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Presented with the “dead” Philia, the great Gloriosus accepts the death of his intended bride without rage, but announces his intention of cutting “her” heart out as a memorial. Alarmed, the supposedly dead “Philia” suddenly comes back to life, and a chase ensues across Rome and into the countryside, with Pseudolus helping himself to Gymnasia.
Eventually, Miles Gloriosus collars Hero, the real Philia, Hysterium, Marcus Lycus, Pseudolus, and Gymnasia and brings them back to Rome to untangle the skein of deception and see that justice is done. Also arriving on the scene, after over a 20-year absence, is their neighbor Erronius, who has been seeking his son and daughter who were kidnapped as babies by pirates.
Hero gets Philia, now a free woman of patrician class; Miles Gloriosus takes gorgeous Gemini twins as his concubines, provided by Marcus Lycus in compensation for Philia; and Pseudolus gets his freedom, the beautiful Amazonian Gymnasia to be his wife, and a dowry of 10,000 minae, also compliments of Marcus Lycus.
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